Collected #ONTHEBUS Reports for March 2010

• bike helmet with hanging cloth flaps

• full turtleneck, full sports coat, full mustache

• capsizing yuppie woman grabs nearest weave to break fall. can't apologize enough.

• drunk bum at 9am "I gotta move my account to Chase Bank. They're nation wide! They're fcking everywhere!"

• extra from The Matrix

• golden retriever attempted, denied

• smartphone+coffee+book+iPod COMBO MOVE!

• "this guy is gonna take pictures of my bare feet while im squishing bugs. hes gonna give me $50!"

• old man shining flashlight at cars and laughing #oknotonthebusbutnearthebus

• Snowboard. A goddamn snowboard

• dude who panhandles at Montgomery and Market gets on talking to some dude named 'Eli' on his Blackberry headset.

• home-made six pack of 40s

• "she invites me over for BBQ ribs, how the bitch gonna switch it up and give me sloppy joes?" (excellent question)

• Guy I know doesn't see me because we're both "hiding" in our smartphones.

• the pin-stripe suit must be a cousin to the stripey pajama because this business man looks ready for bedtime

• three girls laughing sounds exactly like tires squealing