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Esquire called me a "Comic's Comic"

Monday
Oct142013

COLLECTED #ONTHETRAIN - #ONTHEBUS REPORTS FOR JULY-SEPTEMBER 2013

  • Someone is going on and on about how Burning Man is more than a music festival and now I miss SF.

  • "I want to do more indoor YouTubes at night. Quality night YouTubes." #youtubes

  • "I mean going to the hospital is cool and everything, but I really like just health."

  • Bored kids with sunglasses - 5. Bored old lady with wrap-around sunglasses - 2.

  • Guy wearing shirt with ripped-out armpits. Fashion statement or power BO?

  • Art school girl, you best keep that hand on the lens cap. Don't get itchy with that trigger finger.

  • Been awhile. #onthebus #Seattle

  • I've never been on a city bus with air conditioning. Not a fan. (No pun) #onthebus #Seattle

  • Two guys got on and I can only describe their look as "Neon Cowboy Dipshit." #onthebus #Seattle

  • Just pulled up to a bus stop that was filled with geese. #onthebus #Seattle #notkidding #PacificNorthwest

  • Sleeping man's iPhone about to answer gravity's call. #onthebus #Seattle

  • This bus and this city are filled with men I call "Variations On David Cross." #onthebus #Seattle

  • FYI: If you ride this line you may be vlogged or podcasted. #onthebus #Seattle pic.twitter.com/DoYD5KJyLa

  • Priority seating for blondes only #imnotcreepyatall pic.twitter.com/nfPKwyGlGM

  • Woman sneezed directly into my back hard enough that her face hit me.

  • Gaggle of tourist teens w/ heavy southern accents staring in quiet disbelief at a Devendra Banhart look-a-like in a tube top.

  • Thought this lady had huge, lumpy, lopsided breasts. Turns out it's a baby in a black sling that blends with her black dress.

  • The modern equivalent of having a loud boom box #onthetrain is playing Candy Crush full volume.

  • "You ever feel like a human mule?"

  • No matter where I move this lady's oversized shopping bag keeps smacking my modestly-sized nut bag.

  • Landing a seat across from a blind guy is the holy grail of not making eye contact #onthetrain