COLLECTED #ONTHETRAIN REPORTS FOR MARCH-JUNE 2013

NOTE: My survalence data stream has been thin since moving to New York, but now that things are a bit more settled the information is flowing in again.  Enjoy this digest of the last four months and look for more to come monthly.

• Woman's jacket looks like a bale of fiberglass insulation.
  
  
• Watching a single green Tic-Tac wrestle with inertia on the floor.
  
  
• Woman who just puked in the doorway then ran will never know how she brought everyone #onthetrain in this car together tonight.
  
  
• Man explaining the game charades to a whole row of people. He's now doing a charade of "charades."
  
  
• "That acoustic guitar guy sucks! Why not just play Smith covers?" said the pale man with a Fonzie jacket & hair like a hedgehog.
  
  
• Man playing with two measuring tapes.
  
  
• Hats with animal ears are popular now. Who's gonna step up and wear a full mascot head?
  
  
• Girl + guitar on back VS. inertia + gravity. Gravity wins.
  
  
• Women drinking whiskey out of gift bag.
  
  
• Man in full Scottish regalia has bag for his bagpipes. It says "The Pipe Caddy"on the strap.
  
  
• He is clearly out for St. Patrick's Day, but he is clearly Scottish. What gives? #booze
  
  
• Floor possibly coated in liquid salami.
  
  
• Without words, lady answers the burning question, "what if patchouli was an extra-hold hairspray?"
  
  
• Thought this kid was wearing a yarmulke, but his hair is just real round.
  
  
• Woman with white hair in double buns and wearing leopard stretch pants may be forgotten Spice Girl.
  
  
• When the car is rocking slow it feels less like I'm #onthetrain and more like I'm in a giant cradle full of hipsters and business people.
  
  
• Man's shorts and cell phone case match.
  
  
• Woman next to me left a rail of butt sweat on the seat. #summer
  
  
• Too tired to get into it w/ a drunk, pizza-eating girl #onthetrain, so I left it at "Fuck You" & "You need a napkin" then called it a night.
  
  
• A guy in the station congratulated me for telling the drunk pizza girl to fuck off. Positive reviews are always nice.
  
  
• Oxford shirt count: Blue - 5, Pink - 2, Jeanscolor - 3
  
  
• Toes. So many exposed toes.
  
  
• Women playing Words With Friends next to each other are not friends.
  
  
• Unsure of your outfit? Accessorize with a large portfolio. Art student = all bets are off.
  
  
• "I'm the coolest at my frat. Addy isn't that cool. Dan isn't that cool" "You're not that cool" "Everyone was at my birthday"
  
  
• "Why didn't your old Asian girlfriend go here?" "Her family was dirt poor. $20K a year. How do you even live like that?"