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« COLLECTED #ONTHEBUS REPORTS FOR APRIL 2012 | Main | COLLECTED #ONTHEBUS REPORTS FOR JANUARY 2012 »
Thursday
Apr052012

COLLECTED #ONTHEBUS REPORTS FOR FEBRUARY & MARCH 2012

FEBRUARY

  • Again, #LA, what did I say about fabric seats, huh? photo: Emilio Banuelos
  • Man double fisting dozens of lottery scratchers.

  • Man with eyepatch has Evil Dead shirt. #LA #groovy
  • Can't tell if you are a dude next to me or 3000 cigarette butts wearing a.hoodie. #LA

  • Anyone ever seen a mohawk with a 90° angle in the middle? I have now. #LA

  • Due to colorful seat fabric, being #onthebus in #LA reminds me of E.P.C.O.T. Center, if E.P.C.O.T. was "going through some shit right now"

  • There are TVs #onthebus in #LA

  • Allow me to retweet myself: There are TVs #onthebus in #LA

  • One TV is working & one TV is horribly vandalized. I bet that first one is scared. #LA

  • Big Black dude dressed like Stallone from first "Rocky" + a "Rocky" shirt + matching giant Star of David chain & neck tattoo.  #LA

  • FROM @ffxrider: @alexkoll Love your #onthebus tweets. Are the ones on that page all yours? I recognize some of them but not all. #superbowl  //// @ffxrider All mine. I wouldn't co-opt anyone's #onthebus experience. Each is unique like a foul-smelling, slightly threatening snowflake.

  • Couple sharing headphones somehow still look like they don't know each other.  #LA

  • One old man, so many earrings. #LA

  • SEATING CHART: | me | large box containing 2 dozen premium orange paintball clips | Oakley enthusiast |  #LA

  • Man with picnic basket/lobster trap/both? #goodtobebackinSF

  • Guy has a denim hoodie. Is that double cool, or do they cancel each other out?

  • FROM @rachelswan: Alex, this woman wants her money back because the bus stank. #14 //// How ungrateful. You can't get that kind of stank FOR FREE!

  • Dude just got busted for either fare evasion or for his leather Budweiser jacket & shorts combo.

  • Judging by my last two tweets, I must have boarded the Catty Bitch Limited. #ontherag

  • YES! / RT @Juicemanji was the fare evader an obese white kid? Saw someone with that same outfit #onthebus Saturday.

  • Skinhead girl killin' a big bag of Sour Patch Kids solo.

  • "I ain't even fuckin' with dreams. That shit's expensive."

  • Overly polite child

  • I think I might throw-up #onthebus for reals.

  • I'm in the very back by an open window, so if it's gotta go down this is as ideal as it gets.

  • The trick is gonna be launching it all outside; no blowback.

  • Typing this is making it worse. I'm dumb.

  • I think I got food poisoning, but think I'm gonna make it home. If I do I want the Congressional Medal of Honor.

  • "It's very dismal. I said dismal. It's dismal. Huh? Dismal. It's very dismal." - man on phone who thinks it's dismal #onthetrain #yonkers

  • Tiny woman on tall heels. If her Venti Iced Passion Tea was any fuller, she would capsize. #onthetrain #tarrytown

  • "Celebrate good times, suck dick!" - passerby serenade #onthetrain #nyc

  • Straight up smells like salad dressing in here. #onthebus #nyc

  • Man looks like Silent Bob but with a 2 foot bleach blonde fall. #onthetrain #queens

  • Man with entire set of golf clubs in a plastic shopping bag. #onthetrain #queens

  • I want to describe this woman's look as "Carmen Sandiego Found in MAC Cosmetics Barrel" or "Spy Bitch" #onthetrain #manhattan

  • ...maybe it's Cindy Sherman promoting her show... #onthetrain #manhattan #whereintheworldisartistcindysherman
  • Teenagers rocking seven-year-old ski tags on seven-year-old ski jackets. #onthetrain #williamsberg

  • Man asleep with head on self-provided mic stand. #onthetrain #williamsberg

  • One hipster, one black stocking, one white stocking. #onthetrain #williamsberg

  • Reggae band performs version of "The Sign" three times in a row. #onthetrain #williamsberg

  • Drag queens can't agree on lotion brand. #onthetrain #williamsberg

  • Couple asleep in each other's arms were clearly texting prior to passing out. #onthetrain #williamsberg
  • FROM @JFODcomedy: It's #williamsburg not berg, Alex. Your super successful NYC trip is now nullified. Way to go bro.

MARCH

  • "BOOM GOES THE BACKDOOR BELL! BOOM GOES THE BACKDOOR BELL!"  #backinsf

  • Asian teen is wearing a peacoat, Air Monarchs, and that seems to be it.

  • The strong and distinct smell of semen is wafting from the back where a man is singing Dr. John songs. I dare not turn around.

  • The bus is my SXSW.

  • Woman's headphone cord plugged into Baskin Robbins cup.

  • Next stop: Skaight & Thrashbury. #ontheExobus :
  • There is just as much North Face being sported today as every day, but it is actually raining so i'll let it slide.

  • "How you gonna smoke that much weed and hate Irish people, Mexican.people and Cajun people?"

  • "She said If I smoke any more weed it'll condense my bones. So after I get my tax refund I'm gonna BART to the hospital."

  • 3 hippie kids tried to sneak on. One got busted. The other two just mumbled "bummer" as we left him behind.  #thrownunderthebus

  • If you wish to observe the modern tradition of a foam leprechaun hat, I wish to hit you with a traditional sheleighly.

  • "Does that guy have a green mustache? Oh my god he does! So gross!"

  • "Girl, you ever fart on your lamaze coach?"

  • "Just made it dude! I bailed on that Gatorade so hard. Shoved it in the rack, didn't even look!"

  • Skinny hipster tourist didn't wear enough layers. So cold he's shivering & moaning alone in the back. Sad but also a bit creepy.

  • "Sorry, that was Ellen telling me i'm 'not mentally in it.' I'm so sick of her 'mental' shit. I don't 'mentally' give a fuck."

  • "What were we talking about...Europe...making it rain...Jerrod and his awkward juice...?"

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