COLLECTED #ONTHEBUS REPORTS FOR MARCH 2011

• Man with baritone voice conducting therapy session over phone
  
  
• Girl with knit hat just assured everyone she is getting off on the next stop.
  
  
• Evidently, woman squatting in isle told her coworker "as nice as she could" that he needs to relay the data forms NOW!
  
  
• All the conversations #onthebus today are like a Chinese restaurant: family style for everyone to enjoy.
  
  
• "Is that an Angry Birds ad? How funny!" "No, it's for that movie Rio." "Well if there aren't green pigs, it's not Angry Birds."
  
  
• Every nerd bone in my body wanted to say "Actually, it's a Rio themed Angry Birds promotional tie-in game" (pushes up glasses)
  
  
• "And who do they blame...the tranny! They always blame the tranny!" -Angry Tranny
  
  
• Is there a goatee revival going on I don't know about?
  
  
• Old Asian lady has what appears to be a brand new DuckTales duffle bag...and possible time travel abilities.
  
  
• Pattern in old Black lady's hair looks like Muni symbol on reapeat.
  
  
• Woman teaching her toddler call a Family Guy desk calendar "badass"
  
  
• "Bunch of lesbians holding up signs. Huh? Mothers March for Intentional Womans Day. I don't know...I'm in the ghetto." (on phone)
  
  
• "Party City! Girl, they have everything you need...for a party!"
  
  
• Drooling man singing falsetto too much for visiting couple. Hipster holding cigarette butt in iPhone hand too much for me.
  
  
• Euro kid w/ dreadlocks just gave me a rundown of his Wacom tablet/invited me to live-art event. Like I never left home. #austin
  
  
• Carpeted seats may have been stolen from EPCOT Center. #austin
  
  
• Wouldn't be surprised if there was a food cart #austin #infested
  
  
• Guy explaining to me how Obama is the anti-christ is wearing a Fishbone shirt. #austin #headexplosion
  
  
• Someone dropped a bag full of AA batteries in the back. Watching them roll to the front, then back again. Zen. #backinthebay
  
  
• Man with a milk carton in each hand repeatedly spitting directly into an empty seat.
  
  
• Couple people doing their taxes.
  
  
• "Pussy Quest" tagged on anti-graffiti ad.
  
  
• Glad a lady puked and made a big scene or I would never have discovered the free Twitter access up here. #ontheplane #gottashare
  
  
• You know that scene from "Stand By Me" when the guy pukes and causes everyone else to? That's not happening now, but it's close. #ontheplane
  
  
• When the lady puked on herself a few rows up, the guy next to me yelled "Is that smoke?!" #ontheplane
  
  
• Guy next to me now has coat over his head to keep from breathing vom-fumes. Hope it works. #ontheplane
  
  
• All good now. Lady ditched her barf clothes, but lost her luggage on a previous flight, so she's wearing other people's clothes. #ontheplane
  
  
• Dude next to me: "That's a big ol' phone!" Me: "Yep." Conversation concluded for duration of flight. #ontheplane
  
  
• My respect for the power of an airplane toilet's flush is without limits. #ontheplane
  
  
• "Penis Pretzels or cookies?" - not what the flight attendant actually said. #ontheplane