COLLECTED #ONTHEBUS REPORTS FOR SEPTEMBER 2010

• Just me. #onthebus
  
  
• My exile as Omega Passenger lasted one stop.
  
  
• Tried to take a Jagermeister Tap Machine #onthebus. Fail. Hold on, UPS, be back tomorrow w/ a car.
  
  
• The French language at full-volume and full-speed into a cell phone loses some of it's je ne sais quoi
  
  
• Punk with racoon tail. That means he can fly, right? #itsmario
  
  
• Touching the keys, listening to ear buds, watching the screen, speaking into headset. Technology disses the nose again.
  
  
• Poo! Crud! Fudge! Gal Blastit! Shreck! Farts! Boogers! #missedthebus #notonthebus
  
  
• There was another one right behind it! #oknowimonthebus
  
  
• Today it smells like home-made quesedilla and sex-bleach. Don't know if that makes sense, but it's a fact.
  
  
• Tiny hipster girl with bleach blonde bob smells like a vanilla candle; possibly made entirely of wax.
  
  
• Hip hop artists need to start releasing songs mixed down specificly for cell phone speakers.
  
  
• If there are seats open, don't yell at me to wait for another bus, driver 8127
  
  
• Black lady spills Cup-A-Noodles all over uptight gay guy with bow tie and floods, looks him in eye, says "What?!"
  
  
• Adjacent hipsters on phones, complaining over each other about being annoyed, successfully annoying everyone else
  
  
• Man with barcode tattoo has child who models.
  
  
• The Girl Who Played With Fire sitting across from The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.
  
  
• Three short sneezes in rapid succession to the back of my head.
  
  
• Construction worker tries to reconnect our bus-tenna to the electric mainframe for us. Bus beeps like it's gonna explode.
  
  
• Driver fixes what construction worker botched. No explosion. Meanwhile, four people sneak onboard.
  
  
• Multiple people with visible, severe skin conditions. Suddenly very itchy.
  
  
• Too crowded. Some lady is telling us all what to do to get more people on. My nuts are already in someone's purse
  
  
• Lady: everyone put your backpacks in the front so you can stand back to back! Me: catch the next bus! Take one for the team!
  
  
• Lady: don't be afraid to touch each other. That's what we do in San Francisco!
  
  
• Man with belt made of braided t-shirts
  
  
• Saikat!
  
  
• John Popper look-alike. Poppelganger?
  
  
• Old man with violin case straw-drinking from a wifebeater-wrapped Fosters can concealed in a tote bag.
  
  
• Dude singing aloud w/ iPod: "If Hip Hop is dead, my dick is a bitch!" That lyric (real?) is a snake eating itself #Ouroborosbitch
  
  
• Nice try, crushed m&ms, I'm still gonna sit in that seat.