COLLECTED #ONTHEBUS REPORTS FOR APRIL 2012

• Guy is gushing aloud about One Hundred Years Of Solitude. Using the word "undersung" a lot.
  
  
• Wants everyone to know he doesn't have a political agenda.
  
  
• This Crusty dude is a total fake. His vest is clean, his studs are shiny, his beard is very manicured, & his dogs are both Chows.
  
  
• This driver has a lead foot, but only for the brake.
  
  
• Can't see what's going on up front, but it sounds like someone boarded with and promptly dropped a cord of bamboo.
  
  
• Whatever it is the driver is mad because it's happened before.
  
  
• Tweaker couple holding the bus up by exchanging prolonged "i love yous" in the doorwell.
  
  
• Predictive text feature just changed #onthebus to #enthroned
  
  
• Frustrated 112lb teenager just showed the back door who's boss.
  
  
• Dude's jacket is so all-weather it looks like he's wearing jeans over a wetsuit.
  
  
• Woman in pajamas has black eye and a medium pizza.
  
  
• Wearing a suit, back bench, middle seat. #likeaboss
  
  
• Got busted for eating an apple.
  
  
• Still finished eating the apple.
  
  
• Holding an open wine bottle because it was on the seat and I don't want it to spill on my shoes. #bridgetown
  
  
• Two teenage boys smelling the bottom of each other's shoes.  #seattle
  
  
• Man in his 70's looks like dock worker from the 70's. #seattle
  
  
• Teen girls keep thanking each other "forever." #seattle
  
  
• Man looks like if everyone in @RedFang was one person.  #seattle
  
  
• You also have FREE FARE #Seattle? Are you seeing anyone right now?
  
  
• Power went on and off, then the doors all opened and closed. I think we just re-booted.
  
  
• Woman with leopard print coat has two giant leopard print suitcases.
  
  
• Man with mohawk asks "is the Air Force base still open?" to no one in particular
  
  
• Tweaker girl sittin on floor of bus saying "suck me off it's hot!" over and over.
  
  
• Teenager with "Forever Alone" face sweatshirt. He is by himself.
  
  
• Older tweaker lady polling entire bus, "Doesn't anyone know what a hair pin is!?"
  
  
• "Thai Fuckit Tofu Thai Fuckit Fuckit Tofu Tofu We Want Thai, I'm A Fuckin Care Bear!" - Tweaker Girl's new single
  
  
• "DON'T YOU DARE FART IN YOUR HAND!" yelled Tweaker Girl. But it was too late as Tweaker Boy thrust a fart-filled hand on her nose.
  
  
• "You can't get off here, this is an express!" - Driver / "I just farted!" - Tweaker Boy
  
  
• ...aaaaand nasty post-fart Tweaker make-out sesh (extended play).
  
  
• Drunk
  
  
• My friends are up front, but i'm in the back. No reason.
  
  
• 7 hipster pricks with a 24 pack of Bud Light taking up the old people seats and drinking while old man with groceries stands.
  
  
• Old hippie has cowbell stuffed with tennis balls.
  
  
• Quiet woman in back suddenly yelled, "BITCH! BITCH! BITCH!" out the window, then regained her quiet composure.
  
  
• Man has a lot of confidence for someone wearing yellow pants.
  
  
• 99% positive woman behind me & dude 2 rows up are talking to each other on the phone. Evidently they both are going to Sunmer Jam