COLLECTED #ONTHEBUS REPORTS FOR MAY-OCT 2012

MAY

• Magenta stain on the seat...not easy to identify...i'm sitting down anyway.
  

JUNE

• #onthebus to LA Pride. I've never experienced such a well-fragranced route. #neverwillagain #LA

AUG

• Well, well, well...it's been a while but look who's back #onthebus
  
  
• Medieval headdress + modern dreadlocks = time distortion based headache.
  
  
• Man with Wolfman Jack voice says this fall is all about not smoking that rock. #wolfmancrack
  
  
• 30% increase in goth chicks. #velour
  
  
• So, not at all? / RT @ShreddyMercury Finally! I missed #onthebus like I missed bad jokes about Mormons and sex.
  
  
• Woman in SUV next to us is driving with one hand, allowing cockatiel to perch on other hand. #wellactuallynexttothebus
  
  
• "Asshole" might be the only word this driver can say. Oh wait, add "bitch" to the list.
  
  
• Male ponytail up 47%
  
  
• Cat lady brought cat on. On looks only, I'm guessing the cat's name is "Infection"
  

SEPT

• "Walkin' around like he owns the bus! He don't got a gun or nothin!" - fare evader after successfully evading a fare cop.
  
  
• Grateful Dead jacket contains three generations of body odor.
  
  
• Girl with tail clearly still at Burning Man in some capacity.
  
  
• Older Black dude has completely artificial widow's peak.
  
  
• "She pops pills, but I still think she's pretty."
  
  
• "you love me?" "get the fuck up my lap already!" #NJ
  
  
• When public trans does have upholstery, why does it always look like it was stolen from E.P.C.O.T. Center in 1986? #NJ
  
  
• The last thing I saw on the way out of New York was a Hasidic man in full traditional dress...and Crocs. #ontheairtrain #NY #thanks

OCT

• Cool dude gets on. Feet go up on seat back. Cooler dudes get on. Feet come down. (by "cooler" I mean "black")
  
  
• British couple smell like pickles.
  
  
• Mid-October Giants fan dressed like Mid-January Vikings fan.
  
  
• I will name this lady "Sequins & Cottage Cheese"
  
  
• Was gonna take a picture of how douchey this guy looks, but we've all seen that already, right? Best not open those gates now.
  
  
• I wonder how many times an hour my eyes say, "nice boobs" without giving the rest of me a heads-up.
  
  
• If U.N. Plaza in downtown SF is to be believed, the U.N. is currently comprised of seagulls, skaters and very few teeth.
  
  
• "Presidential debate? Don't know which one's stupider! I wouldn't wrap fish in either one of them!" - guy reading the paper
  
  
• "They tried to give me the Nobel Prize. Tried. I said no." - same guy.
  
  
• Homeless guy with a yoga mat plops down in the middle seat of the far back bench and says, "There, now i'm really centered!"
  
  
• It's good to be back #onthebus
  
  
• "Namaste" wrist tattoo spotted on mom dressed like Jodie Foster in "Taxi Driver."
  
  
• The chain-wallet is a ponytail for your pants.
  
  
• Can you get tuberculosis from a stare?
  
  
• If you say there are hecka Asians #onthebus that is numerically less than saying there are hella Asians #onthebus right? #baymath
  
  
• Today I learned "Vichermint Varrvft" is German Tourist for "Fisherman's Warf"
  
  
• There is an entire shitty college party #onthebus ...the front is a tangle of red Solo cups and beads.
  
  
• I'm sitting in the way back with a couple who look like Juggalos on the way to a steampunk party.
  
  
• Young Dykes in love singing "Happy Birthday" to each other. #nottheirbirthdays
  
  
• Yanni impersonator in a long white trench coat.
  
  
• Pug in a bag.
  
  
• "You can't compare Indian food to a totally different country! It doesn't even work that way!"
  
  
• "I just moved here from Boisie because everyone in this city is a drunk, broke bitch like me."
  
  
• Pug out of the bag!
  
  
• Tonight's inescapable drifting odor is: Octopus Shoe
  
  
• Carly Rae Jepson ringtone.