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Collected #onthebus Reports for June 2010

  • hipster girl has bald spot.
  • man clutches woman and pizza in opposing arms with equal tenderness, like a finely calibrated scale of male desire.
  • drunk twink almost exits three times, stopping himself by the door at the final second. wild, considering his eyes are shut.
  • creep in front of me eats gummy worms out of a plain paper bag. smells sickeningly sweet.
  • tweaker at the back of crowded bus: "YOU STILL THERE?"
  • tweaker at the front of crowded bus: "YEAH!"
  • driver over loudspeaker: "GGRYHDDEYUOI VFTFDE UIOGFRC DOOR"
  • Freshly lit hickory smoke from the bbq place down the block fills the cabin. it means i'm late for work, but it's heaven
  • Giant "Toy Story 3" ad on side of the bus. When the window is open, Buzz Lightyear is severely cross-eyed.
  • Sunglasses over glasses.
  • Woman's hat looks like cross between 16th century Scottish Balmoral, and 20th Century Midwest couch
  • reality. settling. in.
  • reality. unsettling. in.
  • much easier to transport a giant tripod and a rubber crown on public transit than i thought.
  • Hydraulics: still the coolest thing about MUNI
  • #Ontario: what spellcheck so desperately wants #onthebus to be.
  • latest staredown opponent: hippie Marilyn Manson with the boarding school jacket and the leather gloves. this round goes to: me.
  • "The only man I admire is Hugh Heffner. Howard Hughes too. I only admire people with two H names."
  • "Work is for people who don't know how to play. Work is four letter word. Don't say that word around me."
  • "JFK married Jackie Onassis. Her father was Aristotle Onassis. Imagine marrying that money! In the 70's? Bubble gum was a penny!"
  • four passengers collide in an attempt to rescue another passengers fallen shades.
  • motion sickness? really? this is a first.
  • Riding backwards strips you of control a bit. Not enjoyable. like i've been willingly kidnapped by someone who can't afford a van
  • Two techies loudly gushing over new iPhone 4g scared into silence by tweaker's forceful barrage of questions about tech specs
  • kid playing video game on iPhone also giving full volume play by play: "those are angry birds!" "there's ice exploding!"
  • Evidently I make an excellent back rest.
  • dude got on playing acoustic bass, with an acoustic guitar on his back. two strikes, buddy. at least pick a side.

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