COLLECTED #ONTHEBUS REPORTS FOR AUGUST 2010

• Dude: "I like your stuff." I thanked him, he bailed. Never specified what "stuff" of mine he liked. Compliment remains unsolved.

• What's wrong lady, never been on a crowded bus before? Swat all you want, but it's Chrome bag in your face all the way to work.

• Dude just went from selling Polo cologne out of a shoe box, to spilling Polo cologne all over before you can say: #onthebus
  
  
• Oh yeah, he's got weed too, and just broke a window. MULTITASKIN'!
  
  
• Proud to announce I'm now part of an arguing tourist family by proximity.
  
  
• Woman explains the importance of the Prop 8 ruling over the phone to a friend while we all cheer passing rally on Market st.
• Ok,say some passo-aggro shit to me about who gets on the bus first. But don't bail when I actually engage you.

• Noted: I get mad at someone For being passo-aggro, and deal with it by tweeting from the back seat #irony
  
  
• LATIN DUDE plays "Hotel California" loud on phone. OLD WHITE LADY "turn that down now!" (scene from Muni's "Big Lebowski" remake)
  
  
• Looks like I got on the Annoyed Bus to Butthurt Town this morning.
  
  
• Perfectly good seat bogarted by water bottle no one wants to touch.
  
  
• Old asian lady updating bus driver on new stops he was not aware we were making.
  
  
• Back of the bus is empty, except for me, and a dude who looks like me in 30 years,sitting directly behind me.
  
  
• Center seat, back bench feels like being at the Last Supper, if it sat five.
  
  
• Oh, that's not a beret. That's his hair.
  
  
• Giant man in camouflage + tiny pink bag.
  
  
• Yoga lady smells like baby wipes
  
  
• Tweaker bouncing around the aisle, ranting on the phone how he hates the haters. Pretty sure there is no one on the phone.
  
  
• "You know there is flouride in Prozac? The government, yo. You don't need to be smart, just aware!"
  
  
• Exploded pen, three seats compromised.
  
  
• They've installed reflectors on the back door guard rails. For all the passengers with headlights.
  
  
• Maybe I should tag "#onthebus" #onthebus ...naaaaaah
  
  
• Tonight's hobo drink special: peach schnapps and Coke in a Gatoraid bottle, prepared without spilling a drop. Bravo, Barkeep.
  
  
• Why is no one #onthebus this morning? Did I die? Is this how I get to hell?
  
  
• The wonderful smell of the BBQ place filled the air just as I cut one. These people don't know how lucky they are. #fartnoise
  
  
• To the guy who recognized me: thanks for the compliment! Sorry it caused a group investigation of why I should be recognized.
  
  
• Oakley Radars and a 'Science Bowl 96' jacket go together like SIN and COS
  
  
• One lady yelling at the foodstamp office on the phone just became five ladies yelling
  
  
• Man cleaning his teeth with a lens cloth
  
  
• Instances of shorts up 40%
  
  
• Either the devil just got on, or it's the ghost of Vladimir Lenin wearing a leather jacket
  
  
• Always expect the back corner seat to smell like pee and it never does. Until today.
  
  
• Two lawyers engaged in logistical and critical breakdown of Mass Effect 2.
  
  
• "We had the best off-line saber fights!"
  
  
• Txt-ing party!
  
  
• Tech-Sector Dale Crover
  
  
• Man taking up one seat. Man's overcoat taking up three.